Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
