I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
