MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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