His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
