I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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