i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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