Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The air was thick with penises
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
