Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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