He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
