I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
