I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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