Only a mothe r could love this liver
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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