My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
