If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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