Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
