woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
