And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
