There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
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