your parents love me but you hate me
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
