Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
