So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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