so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
