there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
