I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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