oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
