yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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