Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
