I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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