i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
