Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
