then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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