Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Randomize
