its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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