"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
