dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
