the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
