i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
