Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
