sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
