Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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