so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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