garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
