I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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