i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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