So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
