I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
