I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
