I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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