How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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