your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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