when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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