I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
